Hello earthlings et al! Ughhhh I did it again, I fell off my life plan and into the arms of the non-blogging, pizza munching dark side. From around the beginning of June things got insane. I was blaming EVERYTHING for my inability to stick to anything. Same old story with me to be quite honest. June was t.o.u.g.h.
On reflection though I have learned a lot about myself and my own negative coping skills and strategies and in doing so this has definitely helped me to break these down. I fell into the trap of the old, “work is busy so I have no time to do anything” and “I’ll start again tomorrow,” or “I’ll start again on Monday.” The only issue being tomorrow never came and Monday was easy to bypass.
Despite saying June was tough it was throughout then that I was able to take a step back and have a quick look at what exactly I had done to sabotage myself yet again. I was so lucky to be able to spend time with my Gemini sister, Bridget. She had come to the UK and Ireland from NYC on a 2 month trip – we had the best of times. We talked about anything and everything and more on top of that and in doing so I was able to identify certain aspects of my lifestyle that were unhelpful. And through communication with Bridget and others I was also able to admit that to myself, which as we all know is the first step to changing anything. I love you, B!! We also happened to go to the maze at Castlewellan and although we were lightheartedly talking about getting lost in the maze as a metaphor for life, some of the analogies were SO close to my reality that they really stuck with me…
I always used to apologise for myself. I thought that apologising would make things better for everyone. Yet apologising for the way I was wasn’t changing anything for me. I then spent a load of time in going through my old social media postings and in doing so I saw that I was repeating the same age old mistakes and never actually doing anything about them. I mean, of course I have changed some things. I have gotten rid of some toxic people who did zippity ZILCH for my self-esteem or for my nerves, however old habits die hard and I can see exactly where and how I was allowing myself to revisit old, unhelpful coping strategies.
I guess I just wanted to drop in and say hello, that I am still here and that I am working every single day to turn some of the more deeply ingrained traits around. I guess that is also why I have been so quiet. Sometimes it’s less about the talking and more about the doing. So I hope you are all doing well and that this post is in some way beneficial to those of you who maybe are stuck in a rut. You can always make the changes. We’re all human, we all have setbacks. But now is the time to truly put yourself first. I shall be back soon with a more light hearted post I am sure. Much love, Danger Hearts xxx