I’m an Accidental Hugger

Well hello! I have been pondering over whether or not to tell you this story but due to events in the late part of last week I feel like I need to share. Consider it less of a blog post and more of a hazard warning if you are ever in my vicinity.

So, anyone who knows me knows that I’m a hugger. I LOVE HUGS. They are the next best thing to Hershey’s Peanut Butter and Chocolate spread. Due to the fact I am on Slimming World (5.5lbs down last week btw) I am banned from the spread ergo the hugs are getting a battering.

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My Easter egg equivalent (see, it’s a problem)

A number of years ago I was going to a training course with my then work. It was in Enniskillen and we were LATE. I am notoriously early to any and all appointments so I was pissed but worse than being pissed I was HANGRY. I had skipped breakfast as there was a promise of coffee and scones on arrival (note that at no time was I worried about missing ANY of the training content) and there was a massive risk that due to our tardiness these would have either a) been eaten or b) been cleared away. Needless to say I was past myself.

As we rocked up into the car park, I freed myself from the confines of the bus and bolted towards the reception area. Having never been to the hotel in question before I had zero idea where I was going but when I looked to my left I saw the table of scones and coffee. Score. I ran (yes, ran) towards the table only to be greeted by my senior manager who placed herself between me and the scone table with arms held out, palms up. Even in writing this I can now see how this was CLEARLY a SLOW DOWN gesture. However, I translated this as HUG (which was strange for someone so IN CHARGE OF MY CAREER PROGRESSION) so I continued to run towards her, threw my arms around her, and sort of swung her around to make sure I tended to her uncharacteristically huggy needs yet also moved myself closer to the scones (priorities). It was only when I had done the ‘turn’ manoeuvre and was facing the rest of the bus who had come in behind me did I realise that something was amiss. Obviously as they had been coming in behind me they had witnessed the entire episode unfold and had correctly translated the gesture as SLOW DOWN so needless to say they were HORRIFIED at my lack of social skills as I more or less PICKED OUR BOSS UP AND SWUNG HER AROUND. I put it down to hunger induced mania. We still talk about it to this day. What astounds me is that I can’t remember within 2 seconds of leaving the house if I locked the door but I can remember every detail of that event in glorious technicolour.

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Actual me – ps follow @medievalreacts

The reason I bring this up is because I had a similar incident last week. My friend introduced me for the first time to her boyfriend and as he was leaving I think I may have misinterpreted his ‘hand shake’ gesture as a hug invitation. Needless to say all my social cues were thrown out the window and I gave him a squish. Again, it was only when I turned to look at my other friend that I realised I may have once more completely disregarded any prior knowledge of body language. It was one of those ‘time standing still’ moments that lasted for the entire 12.5 hour shift I was about to start, overnight, with no one else to compare notes with apart from the only other human who had seen the incident and remains #TEAMHANDSHAKE.

I text my friend in all caps and asked her to apologise to her BF if I gave him an accidental hug and also felt the need to say “IT’S A PROBLEM I HAVE” which now, on reflection, seems a tad extreme. She sent back many cry laughing emojis but I have now realised that this did not say whether or not I had actually misinterpreted….. It shall forever remain a mystery as too much time has passed for me to ask again without looking like I have been having cold sweat flashback concerns….

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So there you have it. I just really felt the need to share that with everyone. Please let me know in the comments if you have ever had an episode where you have accidentally hugged another human. I need to know that I am not alone in this plight. I’ll be right here going through a catalogue of all of the hugs I have ever given to reassure myself that 99% were reciprocal. Accidental Hugging #thehuggleisreal……

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