Hello! I am writing to you under a sea of Tunnocks Teacake wrappers and Schloer, in fact it is a miracle that I can even tap the keyboard. How was your festive season? Not that it’s over, but I mean the Santa part. Was a good time had by all? I do hope so. Forgive my lack of posting, I just felt that until I had something of some worth to say that I would not bore you with piffle about things of zero importance. It was kind of a public service, so you are all welcome.
This bit in between Christmas and New Year is very vague isn’t it? Does anyone actually know what day it is? I know it’s not just me that is struggling with the specifics. 2016 has tried to make it clearer by killing off my favourite people one by one on a seemingly daily basis which you would think would make it a bit easier to remember but nope. Ugh. I am still so utterly devastated at the loss of Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds. I don’t even have the words. Carrie Fisher was such a fierce role model and her public battles with mental health and addiction and her ownership of these made her even more of an idol in my eyes. It gets kind of old when you see people / celebrities harp on about how they are so supportive of this, that and the other when in actual fact you KNOW they couldn’t give a toss. It’s all for show and it’s painfully obvious when their actions don’t match their words. Carrie Fisher was a true advocate and she not only talked the talk, she walked the walk. She raised awareness and she fought stigma and for that I will be eternally grateful.
It’s hurtling towards 2017 at a rate of knots and I can’t wait to say cheerio to the old ’16 surrounded by my faves and doused in vodka. At the same time I worry about placing a LOT on the incoming year. This year has been pretty gross for most of the people I know and for some it has been worse than for others. I guess what I am most concerned about is leaving everything up to the change of a number.
I have heard so many people say that they can’t wait for things to get better in 2017. I am certain that I have said it myself but then I realised that it’s got nothing to do with what year it is. It has to do with the effort I put in to make things better for me. I have worked my arse off this year in order to get myself out of some pretty hairy situations. I did it. 2016 didn’t put me in the spots that I was in, I did. I made some whack decisions. I trusted some whack people. That had zero to do with it being 2016, a lot of those foundations were laid yeeeears before. That was to do with me and my own lack of focus and direction. In fact, if those things hadn’t happened I wouldn’t be in the position I am in now.
I am looking forward to the New Year. Not because I believe that things will magically improve and idols will stop dying etc. I am looking forward to it because I have drive and motivation that I never had before which only came to fruition because it had to. When it gets to the stage that you feel your entire life has fallen apart and you are petrified you have 2 choices. F-E-A-R has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Rise.’ The choice is yours. For too long I was paralysed by fear. What if I made the wrong decision? What if my friends didn’t like me anymore? What if I upset people by saying how I felt? What if, what if, what if…..
Even writing that transports me back to when those things were my be all and end all. As long as everyone else was okay, that was all that mattered. THAT was where I went wrong. At the end of the day the only person that can truly make things better for you is YOU. Ps the quote above is possibly my fave – this is so true – do not sacrifice yourself for the good of others.
So as we head into 2017, which is however many days away, I want you to promise yourself that you will look after YOU. By all means celebrate the end of this omnishambles of a year by booting it in the arse as the twelfth bell tolls on NYE but when you wake up on 1st January, make sure you rip each and every day a new one.
Happy New Year fellow warriors, we got this…..