Yeah, that’s right, you heard. GET. OVER. IT. Those 3 words are the most overused and the least understood in the entirety of all humankind. How in the WORLD do you “get over” something that has actually broken you? I mean, ENTIRELY. Not just being dramatic. I understand the tough love approach and yes, I agree we can all benefit from a kick up the arse from time to time, but those words? Bleurgh. They bounce around in the receivers brain like the echoing demons.
There are so many things that happen to us on a daily basis that require a certain amount of getting over. Like on the drive into work someone cuts you off when you clearly had right of way. It miffs you for what, a minute tops? But then as if by magic, you get over it. At lunch time you realise that you forgot to pack the tomato separately from your sandwich and now your bread is soggy, annoying right? But again, we get over it.
How about when someone you trusted with every fact and nuance of your life decides you’re not really their cup of tea anymore and they jump ship when you are at your LOWEST ebb (before that kicking you at every opportunity) leaving you REELING with complete despair for who you are, who you were and obliterating your ability to trust another living soul or your own judgement? How do we get over THAT soggy sandwich part of life? Because it happens. And it is NOT that easy to just “get over it.”
Break ups and endings in any and all forms (relationships, friendships, The Spice Girls) are HORRENDOUS. Having your trust annihilated is absolutely devastating and it is exceptionally difficult when you are in the middle of it, to imagine yourself being on the other side of it EVER AGAIN. There is no solution or quick fix. If there was I would have overdosed on it with glee. I am sorry to say to any of you struggling right now – that it just takes time.
Of course we can approach this amount of time in different ways. We can go at it with a positive outlook (which is COMPLETELY FAKE at the start) OR we can go at it with a negative outlook (which is easy and includes RT’ing quotes – mainly from Instagram and sharing song lyrics – mainly Adele) – needless to say I go for a mixture of both.
In the world we live in today, social media is a blessing and a curse. Back 10 years ago if I didn’t want to see someone because it hurt too much I could just NOT GO TO THEIR HOUSE or NOT LOOK AT MY PHOTO ALBUM. But now it’s like a military operation. Blocking, muting and unfollowing and STILL there is a tiny chance that the face of the person you NEED to not see right now will still creep up on your timeline. Everything is PUBLIC. Everyone knows EVERYTHING. Plus by being so available online – other people truly believe that your business is automatically THEIR business. You know what though? It isn’t. If you don’t want to see / speak to / speak about X,Y or Z it is up to you. More recently I have also learned that it is okay to say that to “concerned followers.” If you don’t want to answer a question, then DON’T – you are obligated to no one but yourself.
I was told that it was ‘unhealthy’ to approach things that way. (Me, unhealthy? *she says licking biscuit crumbs off her fingers*) Well maybe it was! So what! That is what I needed to do. Some people just deal better with aversion therapy. I really do not. That was my immediate response. To delete everything.
My next step was one which I found way more difficult. It was about putting myself out there and spending time with the people. It may seem like an easy move but I reaalllyyy struggled with that and I still do to a degree. I spent such a long time not communicating with people that it felt really difficult to go to them with my metaphorical tail between my legs. That was when I realised the beauty of people who truly care. They will still care even if you have been a plonker / off their radar.
Then the next step for me was meeting new people and learning how to trust my own judgement and other people. For most of this year I have trusted my cat. That’s it. Even then it has been rocky at times. I was talking about this with my friend and as I have said in different blog posts, negatives are not difficult to find, they like to make themselves known. On the flip side (and there is always a flip side) I can also identify positives that would not have happened had my life not been slowly set on fire over a period of time beginning in early 2015 and finally exploding in 2016.One of my dearest friends said something to me when we caught up a few weekends ago and we were talking about all of this. He said, “You’ve always been the same. When you love something, whether it’s a person, place or a thing – you love all of it, the very bones of it, warts and all.” I tried to delete that part of me when my heart broke initially. Like I HATED that part of me with a passion and would have given anything to not be like that. I tried really hard for a while but then I realised that I can’t be anything other than who I am, and if that isn’t for you then that’s how it is. Plus being a caring person really isn’t the worst thing in the world, right?
As we are moving towards the end of this year, I can say that I am in a much better position emotionally than I was (although sometimes this is doubtful, I cried during Like A Prayer today). In the words of my number one favourite philosopher, Madonna – “I can forgive but I will never forget.” I have gained amazingly strong, talented, independent and loving friends and reconnected with family who have brought out what I believe to be the best in me and I am so eternally grateful for that (#teamcocaw).
So really, I think the key to ‘getting over it’ is to realise that we can’t do it alone and that it’s okay to ask for help and that is takes TIME. Do what you need to do. The people that love you (and those people are out there even if you don’t believe it) will pick you up and dust you off as many times (and for as long) as you need them to until you’re ready to face the world again. Oh, and the world had better watch out, because this time you’ll be stronger than ever.
Let me know what your thoughts are? I know people have so many different ways of dealing with things. I don’t think mine are too off the wall. Oh and if you just need a few words of encouragement then you can totally let me know, I think you’re all pretty great tbqh…..