So, I was lying in bed last night and no matter what I tried I could not sleep. No way, no how. One of the things that I always end up doing is overthinking, so I decided that I would switch on the Presidential Debate as a distraction. Which lead to me (you guessed it) thinking. Now, I’m not about to launch into a massive discussion on the debate, but what I noticed was how composed Madame President was, sorry #badhombre, you’re not for me. She kept it together when I and millions of others were screaming at our TV’s, phones and iPads. I couldn’t believe her strength…
At the beginning of 2016 I was in the darkest of dark places. I was unwell, I was unhappy and I had never disliked myself more. It didn’t just come on all of a sudden (don’t worry, it’s not like BOOM YOU’RE AWFUL) it had been a build up of years of giving too much to people who took it when they wanted and discarded it when something more shiny came along, then told me it was my issue. I was faced with a decision. I could either continue to allow myself to accept this and label myself the issue, or walk away. Finally, I chose to walk away.
I. WAS. TERRIFIED. I didn’t know who I was anymore. When I got my head above water? Meh, it was still dark. Not gonna lie. But as the time went on I began to realise. What I did? It took strength. It was not an ‘easy way out,’ I knew I had done the right thing for me, but like, when was it going to stop giving me palpitations and cold sweats and a sore heart?
This is a process, dear reader, and one which I am still working on. I slip into pits of rage and despair about the Dark Ages (as I call them ever so affectionately -#followmytwitterforragelindsey,) but what is more apparent to me is how strong I was and how much stronger I am becoming. I found the positive. I now choose to do something that makes me feel good instead of repeating the actions that make me feel bad. There is only so much anyone else can do for us, sometimes we have to take action and change what we don’t like.
Something that has really made me sit up and take notice is the strength of the people around me. I have been blessed by a group of friends who exhibit so much strength it is inspirational. Some who have always been there, some I have reconnected with and those who have come into my life more recently. On reflection, my inner circle is amazing and I don’t tell them that often enough. I dare anyone to cross my friends.
Also, there is strength in my family who I know will stand by me through thick and thin, and who, I hope, know I would do the same for them.
I mean, of course I could spend every hour of every day feeling sorry for myself. That would be so easy. Don’t get it twisted, sometimes I still disappear into a blanket fort and watch Netflix until it asks me if I’m still there because I have just been staring at the screen. There is definitely a time when that is necessary for me. But, I don’t want that FOREVER for me – I don’t want it forever for ANYONE.
I also don’t want this to be a post where I just wax lyrical about my breakthroughs (even though it kind of is) I want you to tell me about your strength. Everyone reading this has it by the bucketload. Maybe you don’t know it yet, but you do. No two people’s experiences are the same. Tell me what you do to take care of yourself. To promote positivity in YOUR life, for YOU.
I think what I am trying to say is sometimes the hardest decisions can lead to the greatest outcomes. Sometimes we have to face our worst fears to live our best lives. And sometimes we have to let go of what is causing us pain (no matter how difficult) to make room for positivity.
I’m already planning my next post which will be in collaboration with the Itty Bitty Book Co who are in the midst of their #positivitytakeover – if you haven’t heard of them, go and visit their site. I hyperlinked it so it would be easy to find, you’re welcome.
I can’t wait to hear all about how you promote positivity in your day to day lives – sharing is caring you guys so leave me a comment! Until next time…..