It’s been 17 days….

Omg, I can’t actually believe it has been 17 days since I last posted! To say things have been hectic would be an utter understatement. I’ve been thinking about control and what it really means to have it and of course to lose it. Now I don’t mean self-control, well I suppose in a way I do, but it’s more to do with my apparent need to have control over everything I do.

My control issues stem from way back but were most definitely exacerbated in the black hole that was 2015-2016 when I realised that no matter what you do, you can never control other people’s responses to you, you can only control your ultimate response. Like even if you tie yourself to a train track to display the levels of care you have for someone, sometimes that just isn’t reciprocated and I could not wrap my head around that.


Actual footage of me being held down by my need for control…

I’ve recently started taking a lot more risks and opening myself up a lot more to people and still those feelings can creep into my brain. But the one thing I always remember is that I can only control what I do about things. I will never change who I am and I wouldn’t want to either. I will always be a helper and a caregiver and I consider myself lucky to have linked in with an amazing group of people who appreciate what I do. My need for control has always been about a fear of things ending. It’s like as soon as I get on the happy train I am literally looking out the window for my stop. I have always struggled with just giving into the moment and allowing myself to just be happy! I am suspicious and I am guarded to some degree but this was my way of protecting myself – more recently I have been able to let this go and just be. Ohh what a difference this makes! I promise if you try it you’ll really like it….


I listened to an amazing podcast the other evening. My friend recommended Gangaji to me a while back and OMG I am in love. Like I want her at my dream dinner party, along with Temple Grandin (again another amazing recommendation from a friend). The episode I listened to most recently was The Illusion of Control and it was like ‘HOW YOU KNOW, GANGAJI?’

I guess the whole point of this post was to share that link with you and I went the wafflers way about it. Forgive me, I just have a lot of words. In other news, I am still on the Slimming World train and I have lost 5lbs already. I still have a way to go but I’m focused and determined that this is going to be the year I shed the weight, both physically and emotionally.

If you’ve listened to any amazing podcasts or you’ve received some life advice that has changed your outlook, let me know in the comments!

With a brain like this….

…. who needs enemies? Amirite? Self – sabotage is one of those things that I wax lyrical about on an almost daily basis. Absolutely NO ONE can put me off track more than myself. With 2018 well under way and with so much amazing stuff in the pipeline for this year, you would think that my brain would FINALLY be kicking into gear. Well, you would be wrong, sorry about that. Well, that’s an exaggeration, I am getting WAY better at certain things but then there are others that I am firmly on board the struggle-bus with. I suppose that is why I have decided to take this to blog-land. I tend to find when I write stuff down it suddenly loses a lot of it’s impact in my head, like it takes the steam out of the relentless mixtape of ‘Now That’s What I Call…… You’re Gonna Fail (1981-present).”


There have been multiple things that I have achieved that I never thought I would be able to. Sticking to a meditation schedule (66 days and counting), stopping smoking (9 weeks and counting) saving money everyday (I managed that for 365 days last year AND am on track again AND MORE this year) – so WHY is it that there are certain aspects that I struggle so badly with?

The thing that I really find difficult is my relationship with food. I am an emotional eater. I eat when I’m happy, sad, bored, excited, scared and even when I am just baseline. Being a walking emotion, this means that food and I spend a LOT of time together. An unhealthy amount really. Like, literally unhealthy. I have put on SO much weight that it’s uncomfortable for me to even think about. Another reason why I came here, because I NEED to think about it. I need to start processing what is actually going on in order to make the changes that I need to and that I actually REALLY WANT to. Sometimes wanting something is all it takes and sometimes wanting it isn’t enough and it needs broken down, planned for and executed with a degree of skill and thought and I think that’s where I am at….

I have always struggled with diet, I was a chubber as a child and I don’t think I have ever really had a good insight into what I actually look like. I have always thought of myself as the ‘fat one’ in any of my friendship groups. It’s only when I look back at photographs of me that I can see that I wasn’t actually ever as big as I thought. When I moved into my own house in 2009 things started to decline. When you don’t have another person to judge you for ordering 3 times in one night from Just Eat it kind of becomes a non-event. I mean, I am aware that this is excessive by any stretch of the imagination but I am one of those people who needs to be held accountable. The faceless ease of the time of the interwebs has been my platform to find what I am REALLY good at but it has also been my undoing in this particular way….


I’m not very good at holding myself accountable, I guess it stems from somewhat unhealthy relationships where I have never really felt ‘good enough’ and therefore I have a constant need to please others. When the people I care about are happy, I too am happy. I place a lot of weight (pardon the pun) on that, which is also something that I need to work on. I am an empath and I tend to pick up on the unhappiness of others (which is really REALLY unhelpful in my line of day job) but instead of attributing that to what THEY are feeling I automatically kick into ‘helper’ mode and I try to fix everything. When I can’t fix it, I feel even worse, even though the emotion or the problem was not mine to deal with. Can’t control that? EAT IT! This is why meditation has been such a godsend – it is beginning to chip away at those feelings of responsibility and internalisation and is giving me the platform to identify what is mine to hold and what is not. This is NOT an easy thing to do.

So when it comes to food, I need to hold myself accountable BUT I cannot do this on my own (ironical) as I have proven repeatedly. I first joined Slimming World in 2013 and I lost 40lbs. I have put all of that and then some back on. I always found that when I had a week where I maintained or I put on, even 1/2 a lb, instead of looking at the bigger picture of where I was going, it put me off entirely and I would go on a binge rampage. Then I would feel like I had messed everything up and that would send me into a spiral of actually really messing everything up.


I rejoined Slimming World in 2017 and I lost 13lbs and then the same thing happened again. It’s only been more recently, and I strongly believe that the meditation has something to do with it, that I have started to feel a shift in my thinking. I finally feel ready to go back to a class so I have made a plan to rejoin on Tuesday 9th January 2018. The group in itself and the walk to the scale on Day 1 should be enough to get me into the first week.

This is what I need to tell myself: Those weeks I put on or I maintain are going to happen, that’s when I need to continue to stick to the plan. It’s not that I need to make changes to a system that works. I know what I am doing and I have done it before. I know that I am unhappy with where I am right now and I want to get out of the shame spiral. I have seen it work for others so well and I know it can and has worked for me. I know all of these things. But here’s the bit I struggle with…. I also know that this demon is the one that has the most OVERWHELMING ability to make all of that knowledge disappear and in what seems like an instant I am eyeballs deep in pizza and chips and ice cream.

So, dear reader, I ask you to come on this journey with me. I know it must feel like every lifestyle blogger is writing about NEW YEAR NEW ME and all of that but I really REALLY need your help. I need you to hold me accountable as I make my way in this. I promise not every blog post will be about Slimming World, there are too many other things happening for me to focus solely on that. But I do want to share my thinking, when I find out how to overcome certain things that have been a struggle, because I know that I will and hopefully those things will help you too. Onwards and downwards, eh??

2017 – WTF

Hello! I have been debating over whether or not to write a ‘Farewell 2017’ post because it always seems so cliche. However I really DO have a lot of lessons learned this year and I think they might be useful to other people so watch as I get all cliche on you.

  1. Social Media is REALITY

This year I have been spending a LOT of time on social media as part of my job. I have watched as people’s social media presence has grown and developed into something beautiful and positive and warm. They have welcomed differences of opinion as chances to help each other to grow and expand any close mindedness on either side and new friendships have been cultivated that have surpassed the realms of the interwebs….

I have also watched people become bitter antagonistic trolls of anything and anyone they don’t agree with or understand. I know that social media is a place to express yourself. I do it multiple times a day. Here’s the thing, if you wouldn’t have the balls to approach a person in real life and say it to their face, don’t do it on social media. Would you actively seek out people in real life with a differing opinion and then belittle them and make them feel stupid for posting a comment online about a reality TV show? It’s beyond disappointing and it doesn’t say very much about where we’re headed on a social level if all of our differences of opinion are dealt with by using emojis and memes….


Retweeting something that someone else has said does not make you an activist. Slagging someone off for causing hurt or harm to others does NOT make you a better person than the person you are degrading, it makes you the SAME as them. Worse than that, slagging a group of people off, whose lifestyle you don’t agree with yet has done ZERO harm to you, makes you Donald Trump. You can’t change the world with one tweet, especially not a negative one, it makes you look petty and pathetic.  It’s the 2017 equivalent of throwing your toys out of the pram.

For 2018 – post positively. If you must seek someone out, make it someone who you admire and tell them that you admire them and why. Pay it forward instead of dragging it backwards

 2.  Social Media is POWERFUL

At the beginning of the year I was asked by one of my dearest friends to help her set up and run social media accounts for a charitable activist group that she had been thinking about starting for a while. Of course I said yes and I am delighted to say that we have grown a really strong following online, not only that, we have held 2 really successful events this year and have made cash money for groups and projects that have lost their funding.

Getting involved in this has definitely given me a good focus for the year and has shown me that if used in the right way, social media can most definitely make a difference. We’ll be a whole year old in January 2018 and we have more plans afoot to keep growing and providing assistance for those who need it most. Slide in my DM’s for more info 🙂

3. Meditation is key

Okay so I have lost count of the amount of people who have told me that they really think I would benefit from meditation. I also really struggle when I have to tell people they were right and I was wrong, but hey, I WAS WRONG. I believed that I was too busy to meditate. Too busy to take time for myself. Yet I would waste SO MUCH TIME watching 13 minute YouTube videos on cat fails. I have used the Headspace app everyday for 60 days now and I can really feel the benefits. I’m looking forward to taking this into 2018 and maybe branching out into other apps, podcasts etc

If you are toying with the idea of getting started I promise you won’t regret it. It’s literally only 10 minutes out of your entire day. Plus, it’s a little bit of you time that we all deserve, let me know if you try it out or if you are using any other apps that you think are good!

4. Toxicville – Population 2

Over the past couple of years, I have shed some friends that were toxic for me. My life has improved ten fold because of it and I don’t regret a single thing. The only thing is, I am now HYPER AWARE of when I am being treated like a mug. If the only time someone contacts you is when they are having a hard time and need you to console them, then you need to not always be available. Friendships are NOT based on one person being the damsel in distress and the other person ALWAYS being the rescuer. These are unhealthy relationships and in time the rescuer will need a bit of rescuing but the damsel will be out there living their best life……. until they aren’t.


I remember when I was living in Toxicville and was absolutely IN BITS and I text to tell my friend and the response I got was along the lines of, ‘well, that’s your journey, could you get me this book from Amazon?’ I can’t tell you how many times I had to get kicked in the actual face before I realised that I was the only one to make it stop, which I eventually did. Best decision of my life. Talk it through with your person, maybe it has been an oversight and they will work on correcting that. Don’t settle in 2018

5. Make a 5 Phase Plan

If you have things you want to achieve in 2018, make yourself a 5 phase plan (a la Uncle Jim in Haters Back Off). Massive goals seem much more achievable if you break them into smaller steps. I’m currently in the process of working through my own 5 phase plan and so far it’s going well. There’s going to be more about that in 2018


6. Save money

This year I didn’t have a resolution as such. I did start trying to put away some money. I read online somewhere that if you put away 1p on 1st January, 2p on 2nd January and continue like that all year, you can save quite a bit of money for Christmas presents etc. Today I put away my final £3.65 and tomorrow I will go back to 1p in the jar. This money paid for my MOT, my car tax and my Christmas presents as well as helping me out of a couple of financial holes. I couldn’t recommend this highly enough. Get you a jar and drop those pennies in!!


There you have it, those are the main points I have taken from 2017 and will carry with me into 2018. What have you learned about this year that has changed your life and your outlook? Let me know in the comments!! Happy 2018, see you on the other side….

Relaunch imminent….

Hello ladies and germs!!

OMG I am so sorry to have disappeared. Things have been SUPER crazy and I have been beyond busy with work and werk and everything in between. I am 100% determined to get this blog relaunched and up and running in January 2018. There are so many exciting things in the pipeline for this next year that I really can’t NOT blog. If I kept this all to myself my head might explode.

Thank you for bearing with me! I promise you won’t regret it. This incoming year we’re going to be looking at music releases, travel, book reviews, life altering decision making, self care skills, health and wellness and SO MUCH MORE!

So my gift to you this festive season is the promise that I WILL BE BACK!!

Happy Holidays and I’ll see you in 2018 ❤

L xx


Let’s start at the very beginning…

Hello again! Some of you may remember when I started this blog last August, that the main premise was to document when I did anything that was ‘new.’ Queue a revert back to form and the lowdown on my latest newness!

I have always wanted to try kickboxing. I always thought that my levels of internalised rage could have gone to a better home and been unleashed in a much more enjoyable manner. Just ask Stevie, I didn’t earn the nickname of Brunter for nothing….

Needless to say it has taken me to reach the age of 36 before I actually decided to investigate this further. I took to the Googles and researched local classes in the Belfast area and found one that called my name. The Beginner Ladies classes take place in Victory Martial Arts (formerly Fighting Fit NI) and I signed myself up for 4 weeks of training for the great value price of £39.


My first class was on Saturday morning. I got up and got ready and then spent an hour talking myself into and out of going. Ohhh the excuses I can make are AMAZING. Luckily having realised that about myself (see last post) I got into the car and made my way to class. I was greeted by trainer, Les McMaster. This was the start of the 4 week programme, I had already missed the first night because of work but when I emailed prior to signing up I was 100% reassured that starting on the Saturday wouldn’t be an issue. I had all of the usual worries about going, what if I was the only new person? What if everyone else was super fit? What if I collapsed due to sheer exhaustion?


When I went in there were another 2 girls also going to their first class! Huzzah! I was not alone! We all looked suitably terrified but this was soon alleviated when we all got chatting and Les showed us around.

The class itself was AMAZING. The warm up was enough to make me want to lie down in a heap but there is definitely something to be said about having someone actually instructing. I am one of the worst people when I go to the gym, I get easily distracted when I have no guidance so this was perfect for me.


We then launched into a series of kicks, alone at first and then we partnered up. I almost squealed with happiness when the pads were produced and we got to practice with partners. Again, never be scared to go to classes like this alone, there is ALWAYS someone else who will be in the same boat and what better way to make friends than by kicking them (sometimes a bit harshly). The amount of “oh sorry’s” and “oops did that hurt” that were said that day probably went into double figures.

When it was time to cool down I can honestly say that I haven’t felt as good in a long time. When I fall off the wagon the first thing to go is my eating, closely followed by my exercise so when I started regaining control of the food beast, it felt like it was only natural to get back not the exercise.

My second class is tonight. I still can’t lift my legs above ankle height from Saturday so COME AT ME, SMALL PEOPLE!!

Have you started any new exercise routines recently? Have you ever wanted to give a specific sport a go but always decide not to at the last minute? I know I’m not alone here guys. If you have an interest in Kickboxing / Self-Defence then give the guys at Victory a call and see what they have to suit! There are classes for all ages and abilities so get down and check it out for yourself!

Until next time…..

I lost my way…

Hello earthlings et al! Ughhhh I did it again, I fell off my life plan and into the arms of the non-blogging, pizza munching dark side. From around the beginning of June things got insane. I was blaming EVERYTHING for my inability to stick to anything. Same old story with me to be quite honest. June was t.o.u.g.h.

On reflection though I have learned a lot about myself and my own negative coping skills and strategies and in doing so this has definitely helped me to break these down. I fell into the trap of the old, “work is busy so I have no time to do anything” and “I’ll start again tomorrow,” or “I’ll start again on Monday.” The only issue being tomorrow never came and Monday was easy to bypass.

Despite saying June was tough it was throughout then that I was able to take a step back and have a quick look at what exactly I had done to sabotage myself yet again. I was so lucky to be able to spend time with my Gemini sister, Bridget. She had come to the UK and Ireland from NYC on a 2 month trip – we had the best of times. We talked about anything and everything and more on top of that and in doing so I was able to identify certain aspects of my lifestyle that were unhelpful. And through communication with Bridget and others I was also able to admit that to myself, which as we all know is the first step to changing anything. I love you, B!! We also happened to go to the maze at Castlewellan and although we were lightheartedly talking about getting lost in the maze as a metaphor for life, some of the analogies were SO close to my reality that they really stuck with me…

I always used to apologise for myself. I thought that apologising would make things better for everyone. Yet apologising for the way I was wasn’t changing anything for me. I then spent a load of time in going through my old social media postings and in doing so I saw that I was repeating the same age old mistakes and never actually doing anything about them. I mean, of course I have changed some things. I have gotten rid of some toxic people who did zippity ZILCH for my self-esteem or for my nerves, however old habits die hard and I can see exactly where and how I was allowing myself to revisit old, unhelpful coping strategies.

I guess I just wanted to drop in and say hello, that I am still here and that I am working every single day to turn some of the more deeply ingrained traits around. I guess that is also why I have been so quiet. Sometimes it’s less about the talking and more about the doing. So I hope you are all doing well and that this post is in some way beneficial to those of you who maybe are stuck in a rut. You can always make the changes. We’re all human, we all have setbacks. But now is the time to truly put yourself first. I shall be back soon with a more light hearted post I am sure. Much love, Danger Hearts xxx

I have an addiction…

Well okay, truth be told I have more than one addiction. I am addicted to Curly Wurly’s and my phone BUT the one that I have decided to write about is my latest love. YouTube makeup tutorials. I have spent DAYS of my life watching endless videos on halo eyes, cut creases, Ulta hauls, Sephora hauls. You name it, I have watched it. I have lost entire DAYS in one sitting. I have always been interested in makeup but I always stuck to the basics, foundation, powder, mascara – BOOM. Maybe a sweep of shadow on a night out. NOT ANYMORE. Since I stopped smoking I have spent all of my saved money on makeup. I am now doing full face on a daily basis and I feel so much better for it. I’m still treading a fine line when it comes to my eye choices as I seem to only be able to go full drag or nude with zero in between….. I highly recommend YouTube for anyone who wants to get a bit more confidence up when it comes to doing makeup. Soooo, in honour of this I have decided to share my faves with you. (Disclaimer: I am not a YouTuber fact boffin so I have no idea if these people are loved / hated / whatevs. I don’t care either, I just like their videos. So sue me…)

  1. Nikkie Tutorials

GAH she is my absolute fave. She is as pale as the day is long, as tall as a tree and has makeup skillz that are second to none. Nikkie is based in Holland and has been a YouTuber since 2009. Her videos range from pop video inspired tutorials to product reviews – check out The Power of Make Up as a good starting point. It was through watching Nikkie’s videos that I happened upon the next 3 dreamboats.

2. Jeffree Star

I first happened upon Jeffree Star in a makeup guru way when he popped up in a ‘Get Ready With…’ video on Nikkie’s channel. This was not the first time I had heard of him though. Back in my drag obsessed days he was quite the name and had released some music that I actually really liked. After leaving the music behind, Jeffree started his own makeup line which has taken the world by storm. His Beauty Killer and Androgyny palettes are on my list to snatch – plus my obsession with his Velour Liquid Lip collection is beyond a joke. Jeffree’s channel consists of tutorials, reviews, collabs and reveals and it’s also interspersed with vlogs of international adventures. Subscribe and sail away!

3. MannyMUA

Manny is the most adorable of all of the adorable humans. He is BFF’s with Jeffree Star and he has mad makeup skillz. His channel description is the best…

"This beauty channel is where I teach tutorials, create favorites    videos, tags, shenanigans that go on in my life, etc.I hope you guys can join me in this crazy adventure that is Youtube and the beauty   world. I am constantly learning and growing with you guys I believe  that men can wear makeup, teach makeup, and vlog about it just as    much as girls can and I am fighting for that equality with my channelSo subscribe to my channel if you're into that too!"

4. Laura Lee

Oh how I love thee. Laura Lee is definitely not my skin tone of paper so the products she uses would not be of any benefit to me whatsoever BUT I just love her entire being. Over the past week or so we were treated to her, Jeffree and Manny on a trip TOGETHER to St Tropez with Jouer Cosmetics. I DIED.  I’ve included my fave Laura Lee video below…..

I read so many comments that are beyond bitchy about what these vloggers spend their money on, how they make their money etc. Here’s the thing, why does anyone care?? So what if Jeffree Star wants to spend his money on a Chanel tennis racquet? SO. WHAT??

Anyhoo, I am also really into the Kat Von D artistry collective videos and have bagged myself so much of Kat Von D’s cosmetics line that I need another face to work with it all. I just ordered the Alchemist Palette and am counting down the days until it arrives!

So, there you have it! My faves! Please tell me if I am missing out on any other vloggers that I need to have in my life!!! Leave me a message in the comments below or hit me up on Twitter at @lindslikedthat xox